So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
