this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
