he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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