i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
