If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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