She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
