he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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