the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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