I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
