things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
