Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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