I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
