he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
