You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
