I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
