Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
