love makes seman taste better
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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