My sheets look like a crime scene.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
