Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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