wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
