It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
