Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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