She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
