I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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