Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
