I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
