Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
