you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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