Whod you bang
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
