I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
