Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You are a genius and a whore.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
