I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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