I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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