Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
