Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
