I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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