are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just invented taco cereal.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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