I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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