I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
