I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
