Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am one with the molecules
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
