i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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