You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
