Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
