I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
