He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
