Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
