I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
