At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
