One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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