Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
