I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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