i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
