p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
