You really coming over, don't trick.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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