I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
