I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
