Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
