is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
