everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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